obviously I'm a horrible person

I love my grandparents

I really do

but you don't understand what's it like

to live with them!

Would you like to know what they're like?

Imagine George Castanza's parents

[Seinfeld]

and Ray Ramano's parents

[Everybody loves Raymond]

MIXED TOGETHER!!

And you're getting close,

but they're worse.

Many times a day I just

have to nod my head,

and fake a smile.

Because they go on and on

and on and on.

They want to know EVERYTHING

I'm doing and I'm a very quiet,

keep-to-myself time of a person.

So if you don't see posts

for a while it's cause I

don't have anything semi-nice to say.

just kidding around

once upon a time

i was a little girl

and my family took a trip

to the boardwalk

one night, after a pretty

amazing day

we were walking past

a payphone, remember those?

in these days

cellphones were rare

I'm not even sure my dad had

one at this point

so we're walking past

a payphone

and it rings

and these older kids

probably college kids

start laughing

and scrambler answers the payphone

the kids start to laugh

and then scrambler starts speaking something

similar to pig latin

and my family and I start laughing

and the kids are bewildered

and then the kid with the cellphone

comes over laughing

and gives scrambler five for

being such an cool, older dude

happy april fools day guys!

I said what?

it happens to every single one of us

critic tells a story, and includes what we said

what she makes up that we said

years ago, mom was watching a kid

we go to church with

and the mom was pregnant

we didn't know if that mom was

gonna have us watch them

after she gave birth

we love the kids,

we love the family

but sometimes we could

use sometime off because it's not

always easy

you've got to be a really good planner to make it work

so back to the main story

little kids were running around the house

and critic tells us the above story

and says "and you said

'I don't know if she'll let me babysit them

and if she doesn't I don't know what I'll do.

I'd be lost without him(the oldest one)'"

mmm, I think we'd be okay.

crocs, still super comfortable today

they might not be the most fashionable

but this family loves them!

they're prefect for trips out in our back 40,

standing on our kitchen tile while cooking

(it's super uncomfortable tile),

and many other uses.

scrambler has been saying for weeks,

that she wants some

but was worried they weren't in fashion

I remember being mocked in middle school for wearing them,

but hey, I didn't care what people said about my shoes

(read: I cared a lot, but didn't want to show it)

they were comfortable and I thought they were

cool, especially that they were all rubber

well critic and scrambler

came back the other day from a trip

out into the world

and guess what?

she had crocs!

mom said "You got crocs! I guess you aren't worried

if they're in fashion"

"Yes I got the crocs, but I am never wearing them outside!

I don't want people to see me wearing them!"

critic almost barked back

I'm sorry, but your over 80,

no one cares what shoes you're wearing

and crocs look better than 90% of the shoes

designed with senior citizens in mind!

so then, just a couple hours after coming home
from their trip, scrambler checks the mail
an lo and behold, what's in it?
a crocs catalog
critic looked at that thing for a half hour
complaining, about how she wish she had
see it yesterday, and how they were so much cuter
than the ones she got, why didn't scrambler get these ones,
and on and on and on.

she's a trip

queen of passive aggreessiva!

Critic sees the world

very differently than most people

ya know the whole half empty/half full thing?

well this is how she sees it

the wrong color, the wrong size, dirty 

and filled with the wrong drink.

and she likes to use passive aggressive phrases,

which she throws in thinking that she's being

politically correct

the other day she was talking to my mom

about an event she went to

{where there must have been "1,000 people!"

did I mention she also exaggerates?]

and said well I didn't know if 

"you people" like that

and by you people she meant mormons

and she doesn't do to be potlically correct

she just wants attention, any way she can get it

her other favorite phrases include:

the alternate, those people

apparently "apparently they went to church on sunday"

supposedly "supposedly they had her 15 months after they got married"

there's more, but you'll read about that later

the guy has an attitude

there's this guy,

a family friend,

who comes over to the house a lot

and he usually parks in his favorite spot in our driveway

that spot just happens to make scrambler

not such a happy camper

so much so that he complains to us for hours

and has been known to give him the finger

scrambler used to be such a nice old guy

well let me back up a little bit more

mom says that he used to be kinda ornery

I didn't remember that until

I thought back to my baptism day

I was so excited and I just wanted to share that feeling with everyone

while talking to critic and scrambler

I just remember being sad,

they weren't happy for me

mom says that once scrambler

retired and joined this support group as a voulnteer

he, and critic became closer to God

and was a lot nicer

the more recent memories

in my mind cast scrambler in the later role

but with critic's health failing

and scrambler not getting any younger

he's reverted to his grumpy, younger attitude

I miss the fun, scrambler I used to know

I wish I could send back the mad at the world one

lunch date, a reoccurring feature

critic and scrambler

like to go out to lunch a lot

i may like a certain fast food place

and stop there often for a drink

but these people put me to shame

they go out to lunch

quite a few times a week

and then they come home

and tell us all about it

what they ordered, if they liked it

and how the service was

prime entertainment value

for me, for my family

and fortunately for you

i'm a sharer!

so you get to get in on the action too!

Recently they went to a local attraction

and went to one of their restaurants

[I would give you the location but it would

give away my location, and also giving away

my anonymity]

scrambler got
beef stew
with fried apples
and french fries

and I forgot what
critic got

but trust me, they'll go out again soon
and I'll make sure I catch what critic got

"this is a keeper"

mom and I were watching tv

the other night and she got all 

obsessed with this seafood chowder

I have accepted the fact that

I have to make my own dinner cause

I am the pickiest eater ever

but things have changed with

scrambler and critic moving in

[which by the way, they think they're here

for an "extended visit"]

critic has to watch her salt intake

because of her heart, so that rules out a lot,

and she can't stand peas

scrambler can't stand fish,

among other things

so with every meal mom makes

critic and scrambler tell her if she should keep making it

like they're the bosses around here,

don't even get me started

mom made a seafood chowder

which i could smell by 11am

upstairs, in my room, with the door closed

[I can't stand the smell of seafood]

and at the end of the meal

scrambler says "this is a keeper"

and critic says "it was okay, it could have been warmer"

which is a whole other story, for another day

but trust me the irony of him

liking a SEAFOOD chowder is not lost on me

for the recipe head over to 

the bearfoot contessa's page on HGTV

nine inch voices

why is is that older people,

who also have a hard time hearing, 

think that since they can't hear people whispering

other people won't hear them whispering

there are many times I remember

GGm "whispering" to GGp

and GGp would shake his head

what i wouldn't give to have him shake his head again

but I digress

so i would be sitting on the couch ten feet away

I could hear them

in fact in that same volume I could hear

them all the way from the kitchen

and why am I bringing this up now?

just last night

almost the same thing happened

with critic and scrambler

and I just don't get it

maybe it's because I can't whisper

there's something wrong with me

so I stick to note writing and texting!

so nine inch voices? 

more like nine yards voices!

anyone have any thoughts?

zaggat's picks the top 25 spots to get some grease

so you may know i'm mormon

so I don't swear.

okay i'm not perfect,

and every once and awhile

one may slip out

but i never take the Lord's name in vain.

having critic and scrambler

live with us are not good influences

when it comes to either one of the above.

scrambler was reading the namesake article of this post

"Oh My G[osh]! How in the hell

do they get off charging over $50 for a burger?!?"

now I think that is ridiculous as well,

but then I thought...

what's on it?

what's it made out of?

because i've been known to pay $3.99

for a bacon cheddar burger, uncooked

at my local fresh market

(it's the best burger ever!)

and they kept going on and on

and on and on about it, 

and how in atlanta they charge $20

and how that was ridiculous as well.

I've paid $25 for a nice burger one time,

one of the best burgers I've ever had!